What I really want…

is to come home at the end of a workday and be done working. I would love to come home and read a book or knit or sleep.

To be clear, I do these things, but always with the stifling awareness that I should be doing more work because there is just so much to do. I am afraid that by signing on to this Ph.D. program, I unwittingly signed myself up for a lifetime of this feeling. After all, once I get the Ph.D., it’s not over. That is just when I can get another job that will require me to conduct more research and produce more publications.

Why did I want this? Oh, right, intellectual curiosity, ambition, the need to prove myself to…myself? It all seems highly overrated at the moment, though everyone who’s made it to the other side seems to believe it was all worth it.

For now, I will take their word for it.

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